His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
