this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
