My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
