Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They have beer where we have blood.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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