Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
