You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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