When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
