My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
