my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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