I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
