Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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