So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
