you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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