We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
