how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
