I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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