just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
