trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm like, not good at living.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
