How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
