Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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