well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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