you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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