it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
