Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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