Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
there is glitter all over my balls
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