Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
