you guys were way drunker than both of me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
