i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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