Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
