my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
