wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
