About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
