Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
