I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
