No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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