did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
