I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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