It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
