I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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