a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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