I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize