Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
