at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
