We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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