every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
