We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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