Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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