yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
