I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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