turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
