went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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