forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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