wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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