Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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