doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
