So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
