I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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