we have officially lost it.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
