They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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