how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
