i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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