I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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